Like this:

When I got into my car to drive home after my eardrums got “tubed” the other day I could barely hear the car door slam shut. I couldn’t hear the car engine when I started the car. After making sure the car was really running I pulled out of the parking lot in quietude. The only car noise was the sound of the tires gripping the pavement. As I merged onto the freeway I had to depend on my speedometer to monitor my speed, rather than depending on engine sounds. This is what it’s like to drive a Prius, right?

I’m told that my “otic barotrauma” should clear in a few days. The earaches have diminished to an extremely mild level, but they’re still stuffed — lots of fluid behind my eardrums. The fluid is preventing my eardrums from moving, hence the temporary hearing loss.  From my reading, it appears that requiring a myringotomy and tubes constitutes “serious otitis.”

So when I returned to the hyperbaric center the next day, the doc looked in my ears, and said, “Awesome piercings, dude.” Not really. He said, “Ah, beautiful. Just perfect, everything’s just perfect. It’s always nice to see those tubes so well done.” I said that my sensations hadn’t changed, and he said that the eardrums were still bulging. He was surprised that the fluid doesn’t come through the tubes, but the ENT had hold me no, the fluid will just get reabsorbed. My doc was also surprised that the procedure hurts.

It sound innocuous enough, local anesthetic, no needles. The anesthetic is administered in the form of drops. The ENT warned me that the eardrum is extremely sensitive, and the drops hurt. He wasn’t kidding. The pain is intense, blinding, but it only lasts about a minute. Getting the eardrum pierced was not that horrible, and it’s one of the most discreet piercings you can get.

My doc also said there are hyperbaric centers where they tube everybody. This is so they can get more patients in and out faster. Not all hyperbaric centers have an attendant stay with the patient through the entire dive, either. Mind does. They are exceedingly kind.

So, third “dive” with piercing: Brava. No pain at all. Thirteen minutes to full compression level, rather than the hour it took the first two times.  Just a bit of ear crackling noise and a mild sensation of pressure.

Yes, I do well under pressure.

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